Friday, February 15, 2008

Straight Spouse + Gay Spouse=Open Marriage? Divorce? Separation?

Interesting story today on CNN on-line, regarding straight spouses with gay spouses (Thanks to John for the tip). It seems that, like me, there are occurrences where one of the people who are married comes out of the "closet," deciding that he or she is gay (or lesbian, bisexual or transgender), and instead of choosing to divorce (like I did with my former spouse), stays in the marriage, though it is an open marriage (Click here to see story). By "open marriage" I mean each spouse can go and "date" (loosely defined) other people, though they are still, technically, married. Everything is above board; everyone knows what is happening within themselves and the other spouse; everyone is "in" on what is happening in the relationship, e.g., each spouse goes out on separate dates now and then. Of course, such an arrangement could also leave to a polyamorous relationship, but that is an entirely "other" blog entry.

In recent judicial actions in the Presbyterian Church (USA) regarding the ordination clause (to paraphrase) "fidelity in relationship and chastity in singleness"--which more or less means that only straight people who are living in marriage (but doesn't this now include or pertain to LGBT folks in Massachusetts who can marry? LGBT couples married abroad? How about civil unions and domestic partnerships? Are they not also a relationship of monogamy and fidelity?), or chaste (meaning celibate) in singleness (meaning you can be LGBT or straight but just not in a sexual relationship with anyone, period)--how would we treat the couple above who are living in "fidelity" in an "open relationship" marriage? They are faithful to one another, living no secret life, above-board, and beyond reproach: what about them? Can one be ordained in the PCUSA and live in an open-marriage? Can one be ordained and be LGBT as long as one is in a married relationship, at least in the state of Massachusetts?

The answer is...



1 comment:

Mud said...

Perhaps the gay partner in such a marriage could choose to FINALLY do the honorable thing! Be up front about his or her heretofore lie, and confess his or her same sex attraction, yet continue to honor themselves, their spouse and their own word by honoring the life commitment they made together! They both promised that, whatever they should face in their lives, they would face it together! All people sometimes experience lust for others outside of their marriage. Welcome to the grown up world! The difference is an honorable person, whether gay, straight or in between, does not violate their commitment and act on their lust! If the now confessing liar is lucky enough to have a spouse who forgives him or her (for the lie, not the gay) and wants to stay married, he or she should be profoundly grateful that they picked the right person after all – someone who loves them so deeply that they will continue to be with them regardless of their previous spinelessness!! Marriage is commitment of THAT magnitude! We should not assume that a person, just because they decide to come out of their previously self-imposed closet, is entitled to mess up the lives of those they supposedly care about! Like spouses! And especially children!! What a profound act of selfishness!! As was entering into the marriage and parenthood under such false pretenses in the first place! Consider choosing to have SOME redeeming value in life! There is nothing shameful about same sex attraction. But the lies and then the dragging through your muck the lives of perfectly innocent loved ones – and being so unashamedly PROUD of it – well, that is pretty despicable! Maybe there’s ANOTHER choice!