Monday, June 24, 2013

Getting Gay Married and Gay Divorced

One of my last blogs from

On my Facebook page, a friend posted a picture of two polished gold rings in a black velvet jewelry box, with the message: “Wedding bands are here. Only three months till the big day.”
The two friends who are getting married have lived with one another for about a year now, and they are also in the process of bringing a child into their lives and the world through a surrogacy program. They’ve bought a house in the suburbs together, are enjoying life with a new dog; two individual lives are merging to become a family.

The next day, I was surprised to see a friend who, without earlier notice, moved from New York City to Durham, NC. He had recently moved back after getting a divorce from his husband. They were married for over a decade. Though it was a long-distance relationship for most of their married lives, they recently moved together into a wonderful apartment in Manhattan. All was going well for this prosperous and fun-loving couple — or so we all thought. Sadly, like many people in married relationships — same-sex and opposite-sex alike — they grew apart from one another. Differences emerged in their lives that made their being together a nightmare rather than a dream. My friend is a father of two adult sons, and they were pulled into their dad’s divorce. Both men hired lawyers. Court dates were set. There was talk of alimony. A once-romantic relationship came to a bitter end. Each of the men is picking up the fragments of what “once was,” and both are moving on with their individual lives.

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