Tossing Us a Bone

The Obama Admin., and Pres. Obama, are going to toss us a bone--probably hoping to shut us up for awhile--with the promise of "benefits" to gay partners in Fed. government--except that the benefit not included is health care, and that takes Congress to add that perk.

Well: that should shut us up about DADT and DOMA and ENDA and travel for our partners with HIV bans being overturned.

Wow!

And while it reflects an incremental movement of inclusion--a Bill Clinton move if I've ever seen one who loved to do things via incrementalism--this is an important small step, I guess.

So: how does this impact Joe and James, Mary and Louise, LGBTQ partners in the rest of the US who are not part of the Federal government?

Except for symbolism, not one wit.

All it was meant to do was mollify us:

But administration officials said the timing of the announcement was intended to help contain the growing furor among gay rights groups. Several gay donors withdrew their sponsorship of a Democratic National Committee fund-raising event next week, where Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. is scheduled to speak.

Please write Pres. Obama and whitehouse.gov, and tell him: More, and sooner rather than later. I did.

You can too.

Here's the article with a click.

Pace!

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Two Gay Dads: A Multicultural Story of Love and Parenthood

This was just sent to me! Enjoy this beautiful story of love and hope.

Click here for more.

Pace!

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My Two Dads

Written by Maria Mancia PHOTO Eddie Quiñones

Wednesday, 10 June 2009 13:04

The painting that hangs above the coffee table is anything but unassuming. It is clearly a dauntless display of indomitable colors, audacious yet harmonious, making one yearn for the ocean and a hot summer day. Erik Sosa-Kibby, the painter extraordinaire, has an easy laugh, hearty and lush, making him instantly approachable and alluring. The powerful combination of his engaging personality and undisputed talent, have made him extremely successful. However, three years ago, this Mexican-Guatemalan artist placed his career on hold to pursue something he considers of much greater import: fatherhood. “I have always wanted to be a father, especially to twins,” he explains. “My childhood was typical in many ways: we were poor and undocumented, and in search of the American dream. My father had machista views and ways. He was very stern and remote, and I had a challenging time relating to him. Having my own children has given me the opportunity to view things from his perspective, helping me close old wounds.” It wasn’t until college that Erik officially told his family that he is gay. Telling his father was particularly stressful. However, it helped them understand each other better and the animosity was finally put aside. “He finally understood who I was and suddenly our differences made sense,” he says. “That’s not to say that my dad was necessarily ecstatic. I was gay, but my family accepted me.” Erik concedes that the challenges he and his family overcame have made him who he is today: “I do not regret one single thing I have experienced. How I interact with people, resolve issues and conceptualize my art is due to my past.” Erik’s desires to be a father became reality when he met and fell in love with his now lifetime partner, Mark W. Sosa-Kibby, a corporate executive. In the early stages of their relationship, they established their individual desires to have children. They are now happily settled into a house and a happy routine. They have also hyphenated their last names to symbolize their commitment to each other and to insure that they will be recognized legally as a union. “We had everything we could want: each other, wonderful friends, financial security and the support of our families,” Erik says. “It was obvious to us that we were ready to adopt, allowing us to raise and nurture a child in need of a better environment.” A PLEASANT SURPRISE Before long, they began the grueling period of navigating through the complex legal and emotional process of adoption. For almost a year they underwent dozens of interviews with social workers, psychologists and lawyers. Months later, Erik and Mark received word from the adoption agency that there was a child who might be a good match. They immediately flew to Guatemala. However, instead of one child, there were two beautiful baby boys waiting. Suddenly the question became, “why not two boys?” The children were not blood related, but they were born only 13 days apart. One was gravely ill and required immediate medical attention. The decision was easy: they adopted both boys, and Erik finally had the twins he always wanted. The boys, Cole and Parker, are healthy today and nearly 3 years old. Cole had a heart murmur and required medical care, which he may never have received if not for the adoption. Nowadays Parker is busy painting and Cole has discovered the harmonica. The biggest obstacle Erik and Mark are currently facing is the nightmare of potty training. “Now that the era of diapers has come and gone, the washing machine is always spinning. It requires a lot of patience, and when we think they have mastered the art of the potty, they have a relapse”, Erik explains. “It’s frustrating, but how can one be mad at the cries of, ‘Papa, I potty in my undha-whaaa!!!’” Erik’s days are filled with caring for the boys. He is a stay-at-home dad and is deeply immersed in every aspect of his children’s lives. Among his biggest concerns are making sure the boys are well adjusted and receive a great education. Erik also wants Cole and Parker to be cognizant of their heritage and is raising them to be bilingual. Mark is also bilingual, and even majored in psychology and Spanish literature in college. Together, the family travels extensively through Latin America. “My parents emphasized the importance of an education and a successful career. I was on the football and soccer teams in high school and participated in many school plays. But I was also confused about who I was back then: poor, Latino and gay. I want my sons to have all of the advantages I had, plus more, minus the worries. I want them to be proud of their accomplishments and of having two fathers who care and provide for them,” says Erik. Erik and Mark will soon celebrate their 10th anniversary. Together they are driven by the desire to transcend stereotypes and simply define themselves as a loving family. “The dynamics of our relationship are no different than any other couple out there, gay or straight,” Mark explains. “We have good times and bad times. Our children make us fight harder to keep our relationship moving forward.” Erik also believes in teaching his sons the importance of being altruistic. He leads by example, and has raised money for the National Museum of Mexican Art, the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago and the AIDS Foundation of Chicago. To date, he continues to donate pieces of his artwork and uses his art openings to raise funds for organizations he supports. “One day my sons will be faced with major decisions in life. I am confident that by then, they will have gained the skills to choose wisely and become leaders,” Erik says. “Most importantly, I hope they find happiness. Ultimately, we want Cole and Parker to know their parents love and support them, unconditionally.”

Debut Column in Q-Notes!

Here's the debut column in Q-Notes, the Carolinas' LGBTQ magazine:

http://www.q-notes.com/2785/gay-parents-day/.

I was mesmerized by the conversation around the Church’s governing board as we discussed what we would give the men of the congregation for Father’s Day. As a pastor for over 25 years, I’ve heard this conversation many times, always with the same formula being used: the “mothers” — a.k.a., all women in the church regardless of whether or not they have children — will get a carnation on Mother’s Day. Fathers — meaning all men in the church — will get an industrial drafting pencil for their workshop. This discussion focused on a charming deviation from the norm: giving men a small pocket size carabiner that would possibly have the church’s name printed on them. “Nice gift,” I said with an almost imperceptible measure of incredulity in the tone of my voice. No one seemed to notice this around the table.

As I thought about this inaugural column, it was this awkward event that sprung to mind: being in the middle of this conversation and feeling out of place with these gifts for Mother’s and Father’s Days, even as a dad of two children. I wouldn’t have minded the carnation myself. I like a live flower or a small bouquet of wild flowers on my desk, kitchen windowsill, dining table, on a bedside table to look at in the morning when first rousing. The last thing I need is a small carabiner or many of the other token gifts associated with men in a congregation. In our society — in and out of communities of faith — we fall easily to the preconceived notions and ideas of what it means to be a mom and a dad, regardless if we are gay or straight. And gifts on these days reflect the assumptions of both gender and parenting we live with daily, passing them down from one generation to the next.

It was at this church meeting that it struck me: What is it that we who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender who are moms and dads want on these specially carved out days of the American hit parade of holidays? How do we want to be recognized? Should we establish a Gay Parents’ Day? What are the cards we would purchase for one another or that our children would purchase? What would be the image on the front of a card? Would it play into stereotypes of gay dads going to Broadway shows with our children in hand? Lesbian moms and children all wearing matching flannel clothes?

As Mother’s and Father’s Days were created in the early part of the 20th century as society’s way of honoring our parents, consider what it would mean to carve out and honor LGBTQ parents with a Gay Parents’ Day. Perhaps, for a short time, we would honor those LGBTQ parents in our society for being pioneers in a day and age when the only visible role models of parenting were straight parents. While there will be some commercialization of the day — with appropriate cards for the occasion — it would be a day of telling our story of what it was and is like being a gay parent in a world largely populated by straight parent images. We would tell of how we are singled out in public schools as the “lesbian parents” while no one describes the others as “straight parents.” We would describe the small jabs our children live with in their social groups when others find out that their parents are gay. And, we would describe the joys and often the normalcy of simply being family.

As more states pass equal rights marriage bills or legislation for domestic civil unions, I hereby propose one day of the year in which we honor LGBTQ parents and families. Happy Gay Parent Day to one and all!

Pace!

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Catching the Wave For Gay Marriage

I love reading articles and op-ed essays re: LGBTQ. Maybe it goes back to the old axiom that good or bad publicity is, in the end, good publicity. Why? Because it announces that we are here, and that we matter.

Take this op-ed today by a former candidate for Governor of NY, Tom Suozzi, who seems to be going beyond his Catholic heritage to being a citizen of the greater public. He is catching the fever, the wave, of being pro-LGBTQ marriage:

Many civil marriages are not considered “holy matrimony” by religious institutions because they do not conform to the rules of the religious institution. Those marriages have not challenged religious liberty. We must see that civil marriage, which has always been separate from religious marriage, will remain so.

But most important, gays and lesbians have suffered too long from legal discrimination, social marginalization and even violence. They are entitled to clear recognition of their equal status as citizens of a country that is founded on the principle that we are all inherently worthy. By delivering a clear message that same-sex couples can no longer be treated as separate and unequal in New York, we will also reduce discrimination in everyday life. We will all be better for that.

Equal civil marriage should, and likely will, pass because of the public’s growing unwillingness to sustain inequality. Society will also be strengthened as more people take responsibility for one another in marriage. I now encourage others who oppose gay marriage to re-examine the reasons they do so, and to consider changing their minds too.

Tom Suozzi wrote this.

Click here for more.

I like it when mainstream politicians "get it."

Pace!

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Slow Boat: Obama Admin. and DOMA and DADT, ENDA, etc., etc., etc.

In reading towleroad.com, andrewsullivan.com, and a host of other blogs and webbies, it is clear that the Obama Administration is currently not doing anything to repeal DOMA or DADT for starters.

Here's the latest regarding DOMA: click here.


So, here's a question: is his administration doing this so that the LGBTQ community builds up enough hatred and anger about the slowness of change, forcing the hand of the Obama Admin., so that they can turn around and make the changes, charging that there was a "movement in the country for change"?

Is this their strategy? That we will be angry enough to force their hand?

Because if it is, by God I think it is working!

Change now.

Justice delayed is justice denied.

Pace!

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Marriage: Coming Soon to a State Near You

Note this interesting statistical survey:

In the past fifteen years, gay marriage has increased in popularity in all fifty states. No news there, but what was a surprise to me is where the largest changes have occurred. The popularity of gay marriage has increased fastest in the states where gay rights were already relatively popular in the 1990s.

In 1995, support for gay marriage exceeded 30% in only six states: New York, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Massachusetts, California, and Vermont. In these states, support for gay marriage has increased by an average of almost 20 percentage points. In contrast, support has increased by less than 10 percentage points in the six states that in 1995 were most anti-gay-marriage--Utah, Oklahoma, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, and Idaho.

Cool.

Click here for more.

Pace!

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Pink Pilgrims

Just got back from walking 120 miles in NM, from Estancia to Chimayo.

Fantastic! Incredible scenery, fantastic discussions, and spiritual awakenings.

I will be writing about the phenomenon of out and closeted gay men on pilgrimage.

It is true.

More to come!

Pace!

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