Thursday, November 21, 2013

Eighteen Year "Anniversary" of Sorts

This is what I posted on Facebook this morning:

18 years together. Wow! Who'd have thought it possible?! No engagement, no wedding, just life with kids, dogs, buying houses, land, dreams, cars, vacations. One day at a time. A kiss. A hug. Time apart and time together, finding balance between this extrovert and that introvert. Spiritual but not doctrinaire. Kicking ass when needed, and moving forward. Speaking out. Dinners together late at night always. Writing our own narrative because America doesn't have one for a relationship like this. We are performing artists, improvising each day. Mazel Tov!

I want to add a little more...

Dean had graduated from Duke Divinity School and I was still a faculty member at the Divinity School, though separated--legally--from my then-wife. Unlike the giddiness that heterosexuals experience in the early days of "falling in love" and attraction to one another in the sunlight of days, we lived in a shadow world.  I knew that I would be "kicked out" of the Divinity School by the faculty or Dean, because I knew where they all stood--where the United Methodist Church stood--on LGBTQ people: love the sinner, hate the sin, and don't hire them or let them be church leaders.  And I feared the Presbyterian Church (USA) that was bringing LGBTQ people and allies before Permanent Judicial Councils to face hearings for simply being out and an ordained.

18 years later: the story about Duke is being written. As for ordination, as of this coming Wed., it will be 30 years since I was ordained. 30. And Dean and I are still together, though we move and live in a very different orbit with one another.  Our relationship has matured with time and experience as we've come closer and drifted apart from time to time. 

The dogs, Lil and Toby (my first dogs) continue to witness our lives together, and even in the most insane days they wag tails and look up for a pet on the head. 

The kids still talk with us.

Pam still talks with us.

Dean's mom and my mom still talk with us, as do our siblings.

More updates to come!

18 years...and 1 day, and counting.



1 comment:

ButchCountry said...

Congratulations on 18 years of happiness, may there be a lifetime more for you both.