Friday, March 1, 2013

Exploding the Myth of the "Gay Agenda"...One more time


There has been much ado made in certain social circles about the “gay agenda.” The myth starts with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) people simply taking over the design of home décor and individual fashion choices, to our controlling the entire United States legislative process, making sure there are laws that ensure we live in a country with more rights than straight citizens. In reality, many LGBTQ people live out this agenda: it begins with waking up in the morning and making coffee, feeding children and dogs while waking up our partner. We either both go to work or one of us stays home and cares for the house. Each of us takes an hour off for lunch in which we take over the world and re-make it in our image. We then come back and sit at our work desks or continue to work around the house until it children come home or it is closing time.  We gather at home and feed children, dogs, and partner; after dinner we do homework with children, and then bathe them and read a story before they go to sleep. We fall down onto a couch and watch the nightly news with our partner who is reading emails before we fall asleep on the very same couch and finally shuffle off to bed, only to repeat the same routine in the morning.  So much for the “gay agenda” and the overthrow of the world!
There has been much flux among same-sex couples with children—as there is among straight couples—as we move from one end of a spectrum of being more-or-less equal partners in raising our children, to backsliding into more “traditional roles” than either set of partners-as-parents expected. Psychologists Philip and Carolyn Cowan discovered that in a straight couple relationship what I’ve discovered in same-sex partnered relationships: mothers resent not getting shared childcare she expected and envies her husband’s social networks outside the house. Husbands feel hurt that wives are not more thankful for the sacrifices they make by spending more hours at work so wives can stay home with the children.  The upshot? When straight couples can’t seem to figure out how to change and create new patterns of relating to one another and their child or children, a normal response is to create myths about why they made the choice of falling back into “traditional” 1950 model of home responsibility, why it is probably best for all, and why they are still equal in their heart or hearts, even if they do not share the kind of life they first envisioned as equal partners when they first said “I do” (Stephanie Coontz, “Why Gender Equality Stalled,” New York Times, 2/16/2013).
In my own relationship with my partner, he and I both have fallen into fairly 1950’s patterns of relating to one another, even though we are two men.  One of us makes more money than the other one, and one of us takes care of the home more than the other one, and both of us live with the similar resentments that the straight couple example above exemplified.  For example, the one who makes less money but takes care of the home (cooking, cleaning, and daily shopping), resents how much the other partner (who makes more money) has a more colorful life outside of the house. Meanwhile, the one who makes more money resents that the one who stays at home doesn’t show enough appreciation for the sacrifices he makes. This eerily sounds familiar with the 1950s husband-and-wife dynamic that straight couples slide back upon, even though in our relationship it involves two men.  In conversations with lesbian couples, the same 1950 pattern grips these couples as well. So what do we do? First, we realize that we’ve fallen backwards into a way of relating that fails to make either of us completely happy.  I’ll write more about the second step once we start living it out.

Posted on www.parentsociety.com: http://www.parentsociety.com/love/family-dynamic/gay-or-straight-couples-welcome-back-to-the-1950s/

There has been much ado in certain social circles about the “gay agenda.” The myth starts with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) people simply taking over the design of home décor and individual fashion choices, and goes to our controlling the entire United States’ legislative process, making sure there are laws that ensure we live in a country with more rights than straight citizens.
In reality, many LGBTQ people live out this agenda: it begins with waking up in the morning and making coffee, feeding children and dogs while waking up our partner. We either both go to work or one of us stays home and cares for the house. Each of us takes an hour off for lunch in which we take over the world and re-make it in our image. We then come back and sit at our work desks or continue to work around the house until the children come home or it is closing time. We gather at home and feed children, dogs, and partner; after dinner, we do homework with children, and then bathe them and read a story before they go to sleep. We fall down onto a couch and watch the nightly news with our partner, who is reading emails, before we fall asleep on the very same couch and finally shuffle off to bed, only to repeat the same routine in the morning. So much for the “gay agenda” and the overthrow of the world!
There has been much flux among same-sex couples with children — as there is among straight couples — as we move from one end of a spectrum of being more-or-less equal partners in raising our children, to backsliding into more “traditional roles” than either set of partners-as-parents expected.
Psychologists Philip and Carolyn Cowan discovered in a straight-couple relationship what I’ve discovered in same-sex partnered relationships: mothers resent not getting the shared childcare she expected and envy their husbands’ social networks outside the house. Husbands feel hurt that wives are not more thankful for the sacrifices they make by spending more hours at work so wives can stay home with the children. 
The upshot? When straight couples can’t seem to figure out how to change and create new patterns of relating to one another and their child or children, a normal response is to create myths about why they made the choice of falling back into “traditional” 1950 model of home responsibility, why it is probably best for all, and why they are still equal in their heart or hearts, even if they do not share the kind of life they first envisioned as equal partners when they first said “I do.”
- See more at: http://www.parentsociety.com/love/family-dynamic/gay-or-straight-couples-welcome-back-to-the-1950s/#sthash.FGD6QXOD.dpuf

There has been much ado in certain social circles about the “gay agenda.” The myth starts with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) people simply taking over the design of home décor and individual fashion choices, and goes to our controlling the entire United States’ legislative process, making sure there are laws that ensure we live in a country with more rights than straight citizens.
In reality, many LGBTQ people live out this agenda: it begins with waking up in the morning and making coffee, feeding children and dogs while waking up our partner. We either both go to work or one of us stays home and cares for the house. Each of us takes an hour off for lunch in which we take over the world and re-make it in our image. We then come back and sit at our work desks or continue to work around the house until the children come home or it is closing time. We gather at home and feed children, dogs, and partner; after dinner, we do homework with children, and then bathe them and read a story before they go to sleep. We fall down onto a couch and watch the nightly news with our partner, who is reading emails, before we fall asleep on the very same couch and finally shuffle off to bed, only to repeat the same routine in the morning. So much for the “gay agenda” and the overthrow of the world!
There has been much flux among same-sex couples with children — as there is among straight couples — as we move from one end of a spectrum of being more-or-less equal partners in raising our children, to backsliding into more “traditional roles” than either set of partners-as-parents expected.
Psychologists Philip and Carolyn Cowan discovered in a straight-couple relationship what I’ve discovered in same-sex partnered relationships: mothers resent not getting the shared childcare she expected and envy their husbands’ social networks outside the house. Husbands feel hurt that wives are not more thankful for the sacrifices they make by spending more hours at work so wives can stay home with the children. 
The upshot? When straight couples can’t seem to figure out how to change and create new patterns of relating to one another and their child or children, a normal response is to create myths about why they made the choice of falling back into “traditional” 1950 model of home responsibility, why it is probably best for all, and why they are still equal in their heart or hearts, even if they do not share the kind of life they first envisioned as equal partners when they first said “I do.”
- See more at: http://www.parentsociety.com/love/family-dynamic/gay-or-straight-couples-welcome-back-to-the-1950s/#sthash.FGD6QXOD.dpuf
There has been much ado in certain social circles about the “gay agenda.” The myth starts with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) people simply taking over the design of home décor and individual fashion choices, and goes to our controlling the entire United States’ legislative process, making sure there are laws that ensure we live in a country with more rights than straight citizens.
In reality, many LGBTQ people live out this agenda: it begins with waking up in the morning and making coffee, feeding children and dogs while waking up our partner. We either both go to work or one of us stays home and cares for the house. Each of us takes an hour off for lunch in which we take over the world and re-make it in our image. We then come back and sit at our work desks or continue to work around the house until the children come home or it is closing time. We gather at home and feed children, dogs, and partner; after dinner, we do homework with children, and then bathe them and read a story before they go to sleep. We fall down onto a couch and watch the nightly news with our partner, who is reading emails, before we fall asleep on the very same couch and finally shuffle off to bed, only to repeat the same routine in the morning. So much for the “gay agenda” and the overthrow of the world!
There has been much flux among same-sex couples with children — as there is among straight couples — as we move from one end of a spectrum of being more-or-less equal partners in raising our children, to backsliding into more “traditional roles” than either set of partners-as-parents expected.
Psychologists Philip and Carolyn Cowan discovered in a straight-couple relationship what I’ve discovered in same-sex partnered relationships: mothers resent not getting the shared childcare she expected and envy their husbands’ social networks outside the house. Husbands feel hurt that wives are not more thankful for the sacrifices they make by spending more hours at work so wives can stay home with the children. 
The upshot? When straight couples can’t seem to figure out how to change and create new patterns of relating to one another and their child or children, a normal response is to create myths about why they made the choice of falling back into “traditional” 1950 model of home responsibility, why it is probably best for all, and why they are still equal in their heart or hearts, even if they do not share the kind of life they first envisioned as equal partners when they first said “I do.”
- See more at: http://www.parentsociety.com/love/family-dynamic/gay-or-straight-couples-welcome-back-to-the-1950s/#sthash.FGD6QXOD.dpuf
There has been much ado in certain social circles about the “gay agenda.” The myth starts with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) people simply taking over the design of home décor and individual fashion choices, and goes to our controlling the entire United States’ legislative process, making sure there are laws that ensure we live in a country with more rights than straight citizens.
In reality, many LGBTQ people live out this agenda: it begins with waking up in the morning and making coffee, feeding children and dogs while waking up our partner. We either both go to work or one of us stays home and cares for the house. Each of us takes an hour off for lunch in which we take over the world and re-make it in our image. We then come back and sit at our work desks or continue to work around the house until the children come home or it is closing time. We gather at home and feed children, dogs, and partner; after dinner, we do homework with children, and then bathe them and read a story before they go to sleep. We fall down onto a couch and watch the nightly news with our partner, who is reading emails, before we fall asleep on the very same couch and finally shuffle off to bed, only to repeat the same routine in the morning. So much for the “gay agenda” and the overthrow of the world!
There has been much flux among same-sex couples with children — as there is among straight couples — as we move from one end of a spectrum of being more-or-less equal partners in raising our children, to backsliding into more “traditional roles” than either set of partners-as-parents expected.
Psychologists Philip and Carolyn Cowan discovered in a straight-couple relationship what I’ve discovered in same-sex partnered relationships: mothers resent not getting the shared childcare she expected and envy their husbands’ social networks outside the house. Husbands feel hurt that wives are not more thankful for the sacrifices they make by spending more hours at work so wives can stay home with the children. 
The upshot? When straight couples can’t seem to figure out how to change and create new patterns of relating to one another and their child or children, a normal response is to create myths about why they made the choice of falling back into “traditional” 1950 model of home responsibility, why it is probably best for all, and why they are still equal in their heart or hearts, even if they do not share the kind of life they first envisioned as equal partners when they first said “I do.”
- See more at: http://www.parentsociety.com/love/family-dynamic/gay-or-straight-couples-welcome-back-to-the-1950s/#sthash.FGD6QXOD.dpuf
There has been much ado in certain social circles about the “gay agenda.” The myth starts with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) people simply taking over the design of home décor and individual fashion choices, and goes to our controlling the entire United States’ legislative process, making sure there are laws that ensure we live in a country with more rights than straight citizens.
In reality, many LGBTQ people live out this agenda: it begins with waking up in the morning and making coffee, feeding children and dogs while waking up our partner. We either both go to work or one of us stays home and cares for the house. Each of us takes an hour off for lunch in which we take over the world and re-make it in our image. We then come back and sit at our work desks or continue to work around the house until the children come home or it is closing time. We gather at home and feed children, dogs, and partner; after dinner, we do homework with children, and then bathe them and read a story before they go to sleep. We fall down onto a couch and watch the nightly news with our partner, who is reading emails, before we fall asleep on the very same couch and finally shuffle off to bed, only to repeat the same routine in the morning. So much for the “gay agenda” and the overthrow of the world!
There has been much flux among same-sex couples with children — as there is among straight couples — as we move from one end of a spectrum of being more-or-less equal partners in raising our children, to backsliding into more “traditional roles” than either set of partners-as-parents expected.
Psychologists Philip and Carolyn Cowan discovered in a straight-couple relationship what I’ve discovered in same-sex partnered relationships: mothers resent not getting the shared childcare she expected and envy their husbands’ social networks outside the house. Husbands feel hurt that wives are not more thankful for the sacrifices they make by spending more hours at work so wives can stay home with the children. 
The upshot? When straight couples can’t seem to figure out how to change and create new patterns of relating to one another and their child or children, a normal response is to create myths about why they made the choice of falling back into “traditional” 1950 model of home responsibility, why it is probably best for all, and why they are still equal in their heart or hearts, even if they do not share the kind of life they first envisioned as equal partners when they first said “I do.”
- See more at: http://www.parentsociety.com/love/family-dynamic/gay-or-straight-couples-welcome-back-to-the-1950s/#sthash.FGD6QXOD.dpuf
There has been much ado in certain social circles about the “gay agenda.” The myth starts with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) people simply taking over the design of home décor and individual fashion choices, and goes to our controlling the entire United States’ legislative process, making sure there are laws that ensure we live in a country with more rights than straight citizens.
In reality, many LGBTQ people live out this agenda: it begins with waking up in the morning and making coffee, feeding children and dogs while waking up our partner. We either both go to work or one of us stays home and cares for the house. Each of us takes an hour off for lunch in which we take over the world and re-make it in our image. We then come back and sit at our work desks or continue to work around the house until the children come home or it is closing time. We gather at home and feed children, dogs, and partner; after dinner, we do homework with children, and then bathe them and read a story before they go to sleep. We fall down onto a couch and watch the nightly news with our partner, who is reading emails, before we fall asleep on the very same couch and finally shuffle off to bed, only to repeat the same routine in the morning. So much for the “gay agenda” and the overthrow of the world!
There has been much flux among same-sex couples with children — as there is among straight couples — as we move from one end of a spectrum of being more-or-less equal partners in raising our children, to backsliding into more “traditional roles” than either set of partners-as-parents expected.
Psychologists Philip and Carolyn Cowan discovered in a straight-couple relationship what I’ve discovered in same-sex partnered relationships: mothers resent not getting the shared childcare she expected and envy their husbands’ social networks outside the house. Husbands feel hurt that wives are not more thankful for the sacrifices they make by spending more hours at work so wives can stay home with the children. 
The upshot? When straight couples can’t seem to figure out how to change and create new patterns of relating to one another and their child or children, a normal response is to create myths about why they made the choice of falling back into “traditional” 1950 model of home responsibility, why it is probably best for all, and why they are still equal in their heart or hearts, even if they do not share the kind of life they first envisioned as equal partners when they first said “I do.”
- See more at: http://www.parentsociety.com/love/family-dynamic/gay-or-straight-couples-welcome-back-to-the-1950s/#sthash.FGD6QXOD.dpuf

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