In Q Notes, my article, Project Hate

Here's the latest:

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In an article posted on the “Independent Gay Forum,” Walter Olson — a gay dad — dug through the latest “dump” of information gathered by the National Organization for Marriage (NOM). What was discovered in this dump was one of the strategies that NOM used in stirring up hate toward LGBTQ people. One strategy was fanning the flame of division between those of us in the LGBTQ community and straight allies with people of other ethnicities, nationalities, and races. This strategy was successful in the passage of Proposition 8 in California, where many in the African-American, largely Church-based community voted against marriage equality.

NOM had also set aside $120,000 on a project of finding straight children in households headed by LGBTQ parents. The idea was to take straight children and have them talk against their LGBTQ parents on camera. This idea is to attack our families in the most intimate and vulnerable parts of our lives: a child-parent relationship. Olson writes, “Whenever I hear NOM described as ‘pro-family’ from now on, I will think of that fact.”

In reading Olson’s article, and in light of Amendment One election in the state of North Carolina, I realize that what is being organized around us is what I call their “pro-family” tactic: “Project Hate.” Here’s what NOM did not anticipate in their version of “Project Hate”: our children are smarter and more well-adjusted than probably many of their peers.

In large part, this is due to those of us who are LGBTQ parents living openly and honestly with our children in a world that is largely populated by straight parents. Our continuous conversations about being LGBTQ in this world, as the “other,” the “gay” or “lesbian” parent(s) in schools, faith communities, public events and daily interchanges with others and our children, provides ample opportunities for our children to see and hear how society perceives us.

As my mother would say during frank and open discussions we would have around my children regarding being a gay parent, “little pitchers have big ears.” My children heard and observed the reaction of others in learning that I was gay, both in my family and in my former wife’s parents, and watched carefully the way my partner and I interacted with each other. An attitude of welcome openness, an ambivalence or wary acceptance or apathetic close-mindedness is not only recognized by those of us who are LGBTQ parents, but by our children as well.

Through it all, many of our young children who are now grown adults are speaking out and making us proud. Nationally, in Iowa Zach Wahls, the son of two moms who are lesbian, made YouTube history as he lectured anti-LGBTQ legislators who were debating civil unions and equal marriage in Iowa. In response to a Tea Partier who is against marriage equality, especially upon the effected upon children, Wahls said, “No, I don’t feel damaged or that my childhood was somehow scarred.”

Closer to home, my daughter recently posted “I protect ALL NC families…Vote Against One” on her Facebook webpage without any promptings from her Dads. And, my son focused on my biography of being a gay dad in a recent paper for his sociology paper in his online course at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

NOM is not “pro-family.” Try as hard as they might, what NOM is running up against in their self-destructive Project Hate is the very thing that makes a family “a family”: the conservative and long-lasting virtues of love; perseverance; honesty; and a spirit of grace. These attributes, embodied in the way we embrace and live our lives as couples and families, will always un-do NOM’s vice-tinged tendrils of envy, anger and a confused sense of “pride.”

NOM will come to an end. As for our families? We will continue to grow and add our voices and be a presence in the growing diversity of this American life. :

Click here for the article:http://goqnotes.com/14811/project-hate/

Pace!

B

Feeling like the child with a disability

I am watching a child--Asperger's syndrome, perhaps autistic spectrum--with his parents. He is in his own little world as his parents keep one eye on what they want to do, and one eye on the child.

Sometimes, as a gay man, I feel society does the same with me: keeps one eye on the task at hand, and one eye on me. Society won't let me be free to be. Instead, it treats me as a young child with a disability, tethered, wary of my antics, sure I will embarrass them at one point or other.

Just want to say to society: let go of my hand. I'm not going to behave per se, but I will no longer be treated as your child with a disability.

Pace,

B

T Shirt Power/Q Notes

Best to admit it up front: I collect T-shirts. I don’t mean shirts by local retailers that have the name of a store emblazoned on them, in which the buyer actually pays to be a billboard advertisement for the company they just bought the shirt from. The T-shirts that I collect are ones that are emotionally charged with a memory and message. The habit of collecting T-shirts began when I was first running in many 10K, half marathons and full marathons. It finally spread over to colleges and universities I attended. Finally, I gave in to some of the places where I’ve visited or been on pilgrimage, gathering at least one T-shirt as a remembrance of the place where I’d just been. Every time I wear one of the T-shirts, I am instantly transported back to where I was before I got the shirt, remembered who gave or bought the shirt and even some times remembered putting the shirt on for the first time and how it made me feel…or made others feel, think or react.

I write “react” because in this day and age, there is often a reaction to a shirt being worn that has a powerful message that may delight some or bring out anger to others, with no middle ground. I’ve witnessed how some shirt’s message actually causes another person to do a rubberneck motion, taking a second look to be sure that they understood what the T-shirt actually said.

For example, I was on the board of COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere), a group committed to making it safe for all children and young adults related to those who are LGBTQ and parents, guardians or close relatives. One of our board meetings happened to be in Orlando and so we spent one night enjoying ourselves at Disney’s Magic Kingdom. Several of the board members — who were children of LGBTQ parents or relatives — wore T-shirts during our evening among the great rides of Disney’s theme park that simply said “Queer Spawn.” Hanging back at times from the group wearing the shirts, I was amazed at how many people no longer were looking at larger-than-life costumed figures of Mickey, Minnie, Pluto and Goofy and were, instead, doing a double-take, if not staring, at the chest of the people wearing the shirt that said “Queer Spawn.” Some observers laughed or giggled, while many suddenly wore a sneer across their lips. Needless to say, the T-shirt probably started quite a conversation among many family and friends that night, running into the next day.

And, the reaction of the youth who wore the T-shirts? They knew exactly what they were doing and loved it. As we piled into another ride, they were smiling, chatting, laughing, not noticing any of the commotion they left in their wake. They were claiming who they were and were neither ashamed nor ready to be pushed into any closet because of the sexual orientation of a parent, guardian or relative.

I witnessed the same power of a T-shirt’s message when wearing a T-shirt at a recent rally against the NC marriage amendment held in the student union at NC Central University (NCCU) in Durham, N.C. In order to show our solidarity as LGBTQ and straight ally students, staff, administrators and faculty members of NCCU who were opposed against the vote, we wore Kelly green T-shirts that stated the following: on the back were the list of the groups that were opposed to the NC marriage amendment and supportive of LGBTQ and straight allies on NCCU’s campus. On the front was a simple symbol: three frames across the top and in each frame was a different stick figure. One frame had a stick figure of man and woman holding hands. Another frame had two men holding hands. The last frame had two women holding hands. Underneath these three frames are these words “Love=Love.” The shirt is bold, simple and clear in its message — there are all kinds of ways for a person to love another person and love is exemplified in all three scenarios.

While at the rally, I received no attention from the shirt message. I did not notice the power of the shirt until I left the rally. It was while shopping in a mall, buying groceries at the supermarket or working out at the gym in the shirt that I noticed people looking at the shirt. As with the youth who wore the “Queer Spawn” shirts, some people smiled, some stared, some even looked and then looked down at the floor. And, like the young people who wore their shirts proudly at Disney World, I wear my shirt proudly, in public, making it clear that love=love. Such is the power of a simple T-shirt with an audacious message for the entire world to consider: love = love. : :

Here's the link:
http://goqnotes.com/14607/t-shirt-power/

Pace!

B

Q Notes picks up Huffingtonpost posting and more.

First things first: Q Notes blog picks up the Huffingtonpost blog:
http://goqnotes.com/14686/can-you-be-out-and-ordained/

Cool!

Second: I'm heartened by the number of signs on many people's property against the marriage amendment. Fantastic!

Now to get the vote out!

Pace!

Brett

My Huffingtonpost.com First Blog

Enjoy!

On July 10, 2011, the Presbyterian Church (USA) formally amended their constitution (The Book of Order), deleting the ordination requirement that ordained officers "live in chastity in singleness or fidelity in marriage." The new policy simply asserts "standards for ordained service reflect the church's desire to submit joyfully to the Lordship of Jesus Christ in all aspects of life." This simple phrase allows LGBTQ people to begin breaking out of our second-class captivity, no longer caught in a linguistic snare that denied us ordination, censure or being defrocked.

Like the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (ELCA), the Episcopal Church, Disciples of Christ, Moravians and United Church of Christ (UCC), most Presbyteries in the Presbyterian Church USA now welcome out-LGBTQ people as ordained and installed leaders. While my heart is filled with joy, others in my Church enter a sober time of discernment, discouraged by the Spirit's forward movement. They are at odds with the majority who voted to be more inclusive of all God's people. In this time of a groundbreaking change in the Presbyterian Church (USA), I'm praying for these five changes as I begin to pastor as an out-gay Presbyterian pastor:

First, I pray for tearing down barriers between LGBTQ people and straight allies and those in power by LGBTQ people sharing our stories. Telling our life narrative makes us more real, more human, to those who only saw us as outsiders and the detested "others." We will need to relate stories of past actions of wrongdoing that alienated many of us from the body of Christ. Storytelling that is intimate, vulnerable and sincere will be welcomed for what it is: an act of courage, justice and grace.

My story as a religious leader in the Church began in my closet when I was ordained in 1983. While hiding, I was like a "mole" in the inner ring of influence in the Church. While I was silent, I witnessed the trials of other LGBTQ people and straight allies whose ordination as ministers, deacons or elders were either withheld or defrocked because someone was out of the closet or broke church law by marrying same-sex couples. Some biblical scholars and theologians I knew personally repeatedly referred to chapters of Leviticus and Romans to justify keeping LGBTQ people excluded from leadership in the Church.

I experienced the cold hand of oppression when I came out of my closet and lived as one created in the image of God, part of God's beloved community. There were a handful of Presbyterian pastors who were out LGBTQ people before we Presbyterians amended our constitution. The reason no formal complaint was brought against me was because I was part of a Presbytery where powerful people protected me as an out gay pastor. There was an informal "underground railroad," where those in authority shielded us from prosecution but could not assure us employment. After I came out, First Presbyterian Church of Henderson, N.C., called me as their interim senior pastor, and I served the church until they called their new pastor. In Henderson I met unbridled malevolence toward LGBTQ people in middle-class America. While most church members accepted my presence in the pulpit, some struggled with my sexual orientation. One church member wrote this on a survey near the end of my term: "Every biblical reference to homosexuality indicates it is not an 'alternate life style,' but gross sin." On the town blog, "Home in Henderson," someone wrote: "To blatantly live such a lifestyle that God terms an abomination and further adds insult to injury. And he calls himself a minister without admitting the sin in his life? Sick, sick, sick."

Second, I pray for healing through the timeless practice of confession and reconciliation as we move forward in being more inclusive. Confession may begin with those with authority in the Church acknowledging there are times the faithful were not being solely instructed by Scripture and tradition, but complicit with political powers and social conventions that surround the Church. Among those who are LGBTQ people and straight allies, we will need to do more than concede we were kept on the margins. Some LGBTQ people may confess failure to speak out for fear of being further marginalized. Others can empathize with Jesus who uttered, "I was a stranger, and you did not welcome me" (Matthew 25:43). Some LBTQ people felt like strangers in a church, and could not live with the stress of being discriminated against because we knew -- and know -- we are part of God's good creation. Some became addicted to drugs or alcohol, while others committed suicide. A few LGBTQ clergy lived with post-traumatic stress disorder, related to the abuse they felt in fighting the Church. Others experienced financial loss because churches and seminaries discriminated against LGBTQ people. I was not aware of what hatred, based upon who I am, felt like until I came out of the closet. I have a better appreciation for what others who have been disenfranchised feel like when being put down because of who one is rather than because of what one is doing.

Employing the practice of confession and acts of reconciliation communally, we come to learn what it means to be inclusive. In the history of the PCUSA, the model of confession composed in light of the Church's acknowledging its complicity with the systematic sin of racism was the "Confession of 1967." It affirmed our common belief in one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one birth. This churchly practice of confession and affirmation must be revived to heal the rift caused by generations of Church teaching concerning LGBTQ people, like, "love the sinner, and hate the sin."

Third, I pray for continued discussions between non-LGBTQ people uncomfortable around us, and LGBTQ people and allies. Full inclusion will involve re-imagining new ways of relating for LGBTQ people and allies with straight leaders and congregants as we move beyond one-dimensional stereotypes and adversarial positions. As a result of some people's discomfort with us, schisms are breaking out among many Protestant denominations. These break-off group claims that there's been a breach in how some interpret Scripture, or question the authoritative role of Scripture in our daily lives. For others, there is a sense that historic church traditions have ceased to matter. Yet, schism in the Church is nothing new. For example, the Presbyterian Church (USA) was recently formed in 1983. It was a merger of the southern Presbyterian Church of the U.S. -- then called the Presbyterian Church in the Confederate States of America, breaking off from the main Presbyterian denomination in 1861 over the issue of slavery and secession -- and the northern United Presbyterian Church of the USA. With time, in dialogue with one another, history will no doubt repeat itself, and a re-unification will most likely occur in our collective future.

Fourth, I pray for wisdom and love as we move onward to new challenges before us as we live into the extraordinary diversity of the body of Christ. LGBTQ people and allies will reclaim relationships with others as children of the Creator God, led by Christ's example of self-giving love. In order to become more inclusive, there are many "next steps" to be taken in righting past wrongs. For example, as more states permit LGBTQ people to wed, churches will need to craft a theology of marriage that includes LGBTQ congregants. As ordained religious leaders, our health-care and retirement benefits will need to be inclusive of our families. In order that LGBTQ clergy will never be discriminated again in the Church, denominations will need to include LGBTQ people among those who are represented and protected as a minority group.

Fifth, I pray for wonder to replace fear as out LGBTQ clergy look forward to answering God's call to be ordained and installed, serving openly among God's people. LGBTQ will need to redirect the energy we expended in living closeted lives of dread to breaking down barriers of hate, walking a pilgrimage of hope in responding to the call of God. To live in our ministry with integrity and love is truly a gift of grace. Coming generations will talk of the closet as an anecdote, best left in history's rubbish bin. Out-LGBTQ clergy look forward to serving others as we preach, celebrate the sacraments, join in service projects, coordinate educational activities, participate in fellowship opportunities as we take our place and use our gifts as members of the holy, mysterious and inclusive body of Christ.

Click here for more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brett-webbmitchell/out-and-ordained_b_1308010.html?ref=religion

Pace!

B

The Zany City of Portlandia!

My latest in Chapel Hill News:

I am a reluctant fan of television's Independent Film Channel series, "Portlandia."

I worried the sitcom's creators would not get the grass-roots counterculture of Portland today.

The comedy series is based in my hometown of Portland, Ore., with comedians Fred Armisen from "Saturday Night Live" and Carrie Brownstein.

The Portland I grew up in was a small city compared with larger cities like Seattle or San Francisco, and rather plebian as cities go. But within the past decade, Portland has become a hip, cool place to live, work, bike and visit, even with the inevitable gray day and slight sprinkle of rain that comes regularly from October through May. Thankfully, the show's creators caught some of the funkiness that makes Portland "Portlandia."

"Portlandia" reminds me of Portland's fantastic music scene, be it in classical music or alternative genre that echoes in performing venues. Like Chapel Hill, Portland has an openly gay mayor. Portland is home to Powell's bookstore, one of the largest independent bookstores in the country. Universities and colleges provide public intellectuals who debate the issues of the day in various venues. There was "Occupy Portland," which ended with a series of altercations with the authorities.

The self-dubbed "Rose City" is an international city, with many people representing various parts of the Pacific Rim nations, along with Indian Americans and African Americans who blend easily into the diverse cityscape. Trendy loft apartments built from old warehouses abound. Public art fills numerous rose gardens. Mount Hood and hiking trails offer a chance to flee from city life. Light-rail system "Max" makes it easy to move in the downtown area. Ribbon-like bike trails meander along the urban streets. Theaters turn out one world premiere after another. There are many farm-to-table restaurants, along with many fine ethnic restaurants opening up every month.

The granola-eating, Birkenstock-trotting, tattoo-bearing, skin-piercing and Stumptown-coffee-drinking Oregonian is a person who embraces a certain casualness. There are many who break out of this stereotype, opting for a "live and let live," pioneer ethos, too, where an individual can do his or her thing, come what may.

Moving away from this forward-thinking city, I felt instantly "at home" when my family first moved to the Chapel Hill-Carrboro area in the mid-1980s. Chapel Hill and Carrboro are the "Portlandia" of the South. With the university providing a stable supply of alternative thinkers, performing artists, writers and public intellectuals, there's a sense we live in an alternative universe that exists alongside a church-saturated landscape of the South. The large Intimate Bookstore is still missed. No one would mistake liberal Chapel Hill-Carrboro with the more conservative parts of the Research Triangle, politically or culturally.

Cheap housing in parts of Chapel Hill, especially among Carrboro's mill houses, used to make it possible for artists, musicians, and dreamers on a tight budget to thrive and express themselves in small venues that dot the area. After all, artists are like crab grass, able to grow wherever there may be even a bit of soil, rain and sun. There are plenty of independent weeklies covering the diversity of issues that roil us up as a community. Coffee shops and art galleries still sprout easily off the beaten path. People work tirelessly on easing racial and class tensions. City parks provide cool shade on a hot, muggy summer's day. And the tallest buildings in the area used to be churches on Franklin Street with their tall spires, though new apartment and condominiums compete for tallest edifice on the block.

Amid recent election discussions and long-range strategy meetings about Chapel Hill in 2020, the question before Carrboro and Chapel Hill is simply this: How will we not only preserve, but enhance the counterculture zeitgeist that drew my family, and many others, to this area? Amid new developments, allocating low-cost units in condominiums, and preserving a studio or performance space for artists and musicians is part of the solution.

The more daunting challenge is nurturing that almost ethereal creative, zany spirit of Chapel Hill-Carrboro today that reverberates in an imaginative sitcom called "Portlandia."

The Hospitality of Tacoma

Just came off a great weekend in Tacoma! I was honored by a gathering of friends and new friends on Friday, Feb. 3, 2012 at Immanuel Presbyterian Church in Tacoma, WA, where I read parts of ON BEING A GAY PARENT, and facilitated a discussion.

What made this a special visit was the eventful passing of marriage equality by the WA State Senate, and now the House this week, and soon the signing of the bill into law by the Governor. There is an expected drive to put it on the ballot next Nov., 2012 (a pastor is against marriage equality). Here I was from NC, in which the General Assembly voted to put forth an amendment against marriage equality.

Love will win out.

B