Latest in Q Notes: An Unexpected Homecoming

College changes a person. I was an undergraduate and graduate student for 13 years and I’ve been a faculty member in colleges, universities and seminaries for over 17 years and I’m not sure what it is that brings about the change. I’d like to say the change occurs is the mysterious alchemy that takes place between teacher and student in the classroom over a semester. But, perhaps, transformations happen in the dorm room, fraternity or sorority, in the middle of the hallways and kitchens where people gather informally to discuss the “buzz” about a class or issue on campus. Then again, it could be at a big sports event, musical performance or off-campus party that the real magic takes place and lives are forever changed. Somewhere, somehow, with someone, the change occurs, in which a new perception of life appears over the horizon and the person is never the same.

This is what happened to my son after his first semester in college. He is a changed person. And, I’m not the only one who observed it. So did his girlfriend, his mom, my partner and his sister. The community of love noticed it. Note of the change came when my partner and I picked my son up from college. We drove all the way to Miami, Fla., on a Saturday in mid-December to gather my son and his belongings as he makes a move to a new school in the spring. On the way back home on Sunday, with a 12-hour ride before us, there was time for us to talk about his first semester experience, otherwise known as “the good, the bad, and the ugly” (with apologies to Clint Eastwood). It was during one of the lulls of traveling that we talked about the changes in his life, from his perspective. He said that having a gay dad wasn’t that big a deal anymore. I was driving at the time and about slammed on the brakes or drove off the road in amazement. This from the young man who, during high school, made it very clear that he didn’t want anyone knowing that he had a gay dad with a partner. It was because of Parker’s vote of “no” that I did not run for a place on the Chapel Hill-Carrboro Community School board. It was because of his desire to keep knowledge of my being gay hidden that I tried to keep a low profile when it came to his school events, usually sitting in the back row of sporting events or other ceremonies.

In hindsight, the change was evident when he introduced us to his college friends around the dorm when he was moving out. He hugged me openly, in public, when he came out of the dorm. We met his roommate, his friends across the hall, and the Resident Assistant, without him blinking an eye. “This is my dad, Brett. This is his partner, Dean.” He said it just that easily and naturally. We piled his stuff into the rented SUV for our long excursion back and waved goodbye to his friends. And, off we went, homeward bound to North Carolina. But, the young man who left us four months earlier was not the same. Something happened. Someone changed.

In the Christian scriptures, there is the story of the Prodigal or Lost Son. It is a family system story of reconciliation among many conflicting parties. In a nut shell, a parent celebrates the return of the young child who went his own way, sowing his “wild oats,” coming home finally, seeking reconciliation with those who stayed home, namely the other child and parent (Luke 15:11-32). While my daughter found it easier to acknowledge that she had a gay dad, my son’s journey in conceding that his dad is gay has been longer and far more, well, interesting. I can empathize with my biblical forbear, who rejoiced at this unexpected homecoming. I shall savor the day I could hear and see the simple, public recognition of father and son, parent and child, with “Yeah, that’s my dad and his partner, Brett and Dean.” Such sweet words are truly a gift in this holiday season. : :

Click here for the inside edition: http://goqnotes.com/14006/an-unexpected-homecoming/

Pace!

Brett

Madonna, Lover, and Son

Finding alternative views of the Holy Family that include other families usually excluded from this season of Christmastide.

The above image is the first: Madonna, Lover, and Son by Beckye Harrelson. She is reaching back to the closeness of Ruth and Naomi in this depiction.

Evocative!

Yes?

B

Y of the Triangle Discriminates Against LGBTQ People

For my Chapel Hill-Carrboro-Durham-Raleigh friends: please help publicize the discrimination practiced by Y of the Triangle against LGBTQ people. They discriminated us, a) in terms of membership: they fail to include our families, describing family ONLY in heterosexual terms, "husband/wife," making a LGBTQ couple sign up under the more expensive "two adults"; b) they don't offer their full-time LGBTQ employees the same benefit plan they offer straight employees. Read the letters in today's Chapel Hill News against Y of the Triangles attempt to merge with Chapel Hill/Carrboro's YMCA: http://www.chapelhillnews.com/2011/12/21/68869/dont-merge-ymcas.html

Pace!

B

Y of the Triangle Discriminates Against LGBTQ People

For my Chapel Hill-Carrboro-Durham-Raleigh friends: please help publicize the discrimination practiced by Y of the Triangle against LGBTQ people. They discriminated us, a) in terms of membership: they fail to include our families, describing family ONLY in heterosexual terms, "husband/wife," making a LGBTQ couple sign up under the more expensive "two adults"; b) they don't offer their full-time LGBTQ employees the same benefit plan they offer straight employees. Read the letters in today's Chapel Hill News against Y of the Triangles attempt to merge with Chapel Hill/Carrboro's YMCA: http://www.chapelhillnews.com/2011/12/21/68869/dont-merge-ymcas.html

Pace!

B

Manbites Dog Theater Performs "Edith Can Shoot Things and Hits Them"

Great play this weekend: Edith Can Shoot Things and Hits Them" by A. Rey Pamatmat was fantastic. Saw the play at Manbites Dog Theater. It is about Edith (12 years old) and her brother Kenny (16) who've been left behind by their dad (who is dealing with the death of his wife, their mom by staying away). Her brother is in love with Benji, who is also 16. They actually become family with one another after everyone has left them (Benji is forced out of his family when his mother discovers he is gay).

Well done!

Click here for more: http://www.indyweek.com/indyweek/edith-can-shoot-things-and-hit-them/Event?oid=2686621

Thumbs up!

B

Chapel Hill News: Justice and the Freedom Riders

The world premiere of Mike Wiley's "The Parchman Hour," performed by Playmakers Repertory Company, was a theatrical tour de force. The story followed the lives of 13 Freedom Riders from 1961, in the height of the civil rights movement.

Many of the riders who went to Mississippi were from the North. Most of them were young and living out their idealism: to work with others for justice and integration among a people where the ugliness of racial segregation ruled. Simply by sitting on a bus together - black and white - they had drawn the hostility of the Southern segregationist forces. Sadly, they were quickly imprisoned for three months at one of the most notorious prisons in the country: Parchman Farm.

This was a place in which those who survived for a period of time were literally the walking wounded. I expected to "ooh" and "ahh" over one more incredible set (and the television screens and burned-out bus in the back stage area did not disappoint). And the ensemble cast was outstanding (I stood with all others for the ovation at the end of the performance). The music, especially the blues group seated in the burned-out bus and the beautiful rendition of Bob Dylan's "The Times They Are A-Changin' " brought a lump of nostalgia to my throat.

The performance was but one venue that called me to consider my place, my role, in the marathon work of justice. At NCCU's Art Museum, there is a stirring exhibit of African-American heroes, "Let Your Motto Be Resistance," a collection of photographs from the Smithsonian's National Museum of African-American History and Culture. The first image that grabbed my attention was a slave whose back was scarred for life from the lashes of a whip. Sojourner Truth stares into my soul. The elegant Jessye Norman casts a hypnotic glance as I pass by.

I am always gladdened by these provocative performances and challenging exhibits that beg me to consider, "What have you done in the name of justice and liberty?" I contemplate, "What should I and we as a people do in making this a better place for us locally and globally, for our children, friends and family?"

This openness to change personally and communally and impulse to engage others in this question lasts for around a week or so. Then daily life slowly seeps back and closes that which was open before. Classes need to be taught; family responsibilities intervene; other petty issues take over. I am closed once again to the important question of our day and age: How ought we live with one another?

Ideally, in columns such as this, I support all efforts to wipe out the injustice underlying all forms of discrimination, whether it be on the basis of race, ethnicity, nationalism, gender, sexual orientation, socioeconomic class, education, ableism, religious or ageism, to name a few. Through conversation with those opposed to LGBTQ people's gaining civil rights, there may be a change of hearts and minds.

There was a 50th year reunion of the Freedom Riders, including the Rev. Reginald Green and Rep. Bob Filner, who were young men with a conscience and conviction. Finally, in November, a group of six Palestinians rode an Israeli commuter bus that links Jewish settlements in the West Bank to Jerusalem and were arrested at an Israeli check point. They were demanding the right to travel freely to Jerusalem because access to the West Bank is restricted by Israel. Their model of resistance? The Freedom Riders of the 1960s!

Like 1961, we have seen the seasons turn, from a season of apathy to a season of justice. The "Occupy" encampments here and abroad have gained the media's attention as those who are the "have-nots" in the world are fed up with the sense of economic injustice that knows no boundaries. "Arab springs" have changed dictatorial governments abroad.

To quote that oft-used phrase, "Silence gives consent." Silence is no longer the rule of the day. There is a roar that is coming, emanating from the bowels of the darkest place in this country and abroad. To quote Dylan, "Times, they are a-changin."

Contact Brett Webb-Mitchell at brettwebbmitchell@gmail.com.